Thursday, January 14, 2010

A "Disneyland For My Dinkle"

Perhaps you’re wondering what formulated my peculiar sexuality? It ain’t that peculiar. I’m a bloke from Essex who likes birds with big bottoms and big boobs: Lucy Pinder, Lindsay Dawn McKenzie, Maria Whittaker, lovely dolly-birds. I don’t mean to be dismissive, they might be incredibly dark, fretful Sylvia Plath-style heroines for all I know, but if they are, I’d rather not find out because life’s difficult enough without women who superficially resemble a ‘Disneyland for my Dinkle’ thrusting me into a torturous realm of introspection.

Before I plunge headfirst into a rich analysis of Russell Brand’s predominantly disastrous (and whore-laden) life, I have to share an amusing anecdote because clearly in some Freudian fashion, Mr Brand seems to be rubbing off on me already (oooh, I bet he’d like that too). As you all already know, this blog is located at Yes, The Rock Lair. Well, I was trying to log on to the page to post this blog and strangely blogspot kept telling me the page didn’t exist. After trying a couple of times and staring at it, checking the address, and staring some more, I realised the root of the problem. I’d been trying to locate the page The Cock Lair is still is still available if anyone wants it! And that, ladies and gentleman, is a perfect example of how Russell Brand and his “winky” influences women!

Anyway, on to the book. Russell Brand’s Booky Wook. One thing that can be said about Russell Brand is that even off his head on smack, crack, speed, weed and whiskey, he has an undeniable charm. No matter how lewd and revolting and completely unrestrained he behaves, he is very difficult not to like. He’s like a real life, walking, talking Captain Jack Sparrow, if you will. Though his track record of meaningful relationships with women is dismal, you would be forgiven if you wanted to shag him anyway. That’s just Russell. And luckily for him it really comes through in his Booky Wook.

I have to say this is an incredibly entertaining read and I really found it hard to put down. Russell is the type of writer who has a total incapacity to take himself at all seriously and turns every potentially awful, horrendous anecdote into a great, big, fat old joke. I laughed out loud pretty much non-stop. Perhaps it’s not a read for the feint hearted. Or a read for the sentimental type who wants to be taken away on an emotional journey. Nope, Russell Brand is not that type of person. He clearly wasn’t writing the book for any therapeutic reason, or wanting to delve into the “torturous realm of introspection”. He just wanted to make people laugh. At him. And there is no doubt whatsoever that he succeeded. Even as he describes “wanking” a gay man off in a toilet cubicle for his MTV show, RE Brand, it’s funny. As he emblazons your mind with images of his first foray with prostitutes in Thailand – in the same room as his father – he is funny. As he recalls the raincoat which he dubbed “the cloak of love” when he was at a performing arts school as a teenager and the rather sleazy behaviour that went with it, it’s impossibly funny.

His humour probably isn’t for everyone. It’s both silly and a bit twisted and unhinged, and if you have ever watched his MTV show or stand up comedy sketches, you’ll know that he is a bit like a little boy who has overdosed on red cordial. When he is interviewed, it’s a strange experience because his personality is so huge, it overshadows many of the hosts of the shows he has appeared on. Here he is on David Letterman.

If his humour is for you, then I highly recommend this book. And I also highly recommend watching this episode of RE Brand, where he gets a lovely 73 year old lady to pretend to be his girlfriend just to see people’s reactions and gauge societal perceptions of relationships with large age differences. You’d expect to be quite grossed out, but all you can do is giggle at charming Russell’s antics. At least, I did.

Despite being high as a kite during most of the recording of this show, it’s actually very entertaining. It’s all about challenging society’s taboos and as well as the above, have included having a homeless person live with him for a week, living with a prostitute and her family for a week, and testing whether homosexuality was innate or influenced by environment through masturbating a gay man in a toilet cubicle. Not everyone’s cup of tea, I’m sure, but never-the-less entertaining!

Russell Brand’s My Booky Wook is like no autobiography I’ve read before. It’s better.

And with that, I promise to be back on to the vinyl records soon. The world of Russell Brand and his “dolly-birds” is quite exhausting. Thank goodness he’s straightened out and is in lurve with Katy Perry (with whom he is newly affianced).


Raspberry Beret

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Great Gig In The Sky

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon

Yep. I got that Pink Floyd record! Ha! That sister of mine hasn’t even mentioned anything, so I guess the Bundy and Coke must have addled her brain on Christmas day and she’s forgotten that “rock off”. Oh well. She loses. And I win. I have listened to parts of this record many times before, but never on vinyl. I still think music sounds better on vinyl. do I best describe The Dark Side of The Moon? It’s kind of like a movie soundtrack to someone’s life, going through different moods and phases of person’s being. It’s an explosion of sound. A smorgasbord of special effects, complete with the ka-ching of a cash register at the beginning of Money. It’s a bit of a cynical record really and depressing at times. Maybe it’s just too truthful for a dreamer like me! It touches on a many themes though, and every song has a poignant message that leaps out at you and pokes you in the eye surreptitiously.

Money is a tongue-in-cheek jeer at the greediness of society. Time is a slightly depressing glance at a life wasted away...a reminder that now is as good a time as any to do the things you keep saying you are going to do. The Great Gig in the Sky is a poetic metaphor for death... and a brilliant piece of music to boot, even with its vocals that are a little like a monkey wailing in pain. I know I’m probably going to be beaten with a stick by Floyd lovers for saying that, but come on!! It’s true! And its okay, it’s on the song about supposed to sound like someone, or something, crying in agony. Anyway I like it. In a strange way.

I think my favourite part of the record though, is Brain Damage. The song is actually about guitarist Syd Barrett’s mental breakdown but is somehow quite a facetious, and not very politically correct jesting of nutcases the world over. You can’t help but giggle at the opening line “the lunatic is on the grass” ha ha. Just in case you’ve no idea what I’m on about...check this out.

So that’s The Dark Side of the Moon. Sometimes satirical and jaded, yet the wall of sound every song provides is awe inspiring and actually quite uplifting. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up from Ms Beret. Then again, it is the third highest selling album of all time – a cool 45 million copies in case you wondered – so enthusiasm and thumbs up are to be expected!

The only disappointment is the fact that this record (and a few others) are pretty bloody dirty and marked and the record skipped a few times as a result. But my record cleaning kit is in the post, as is my enormous box of plastic LP record sleeves so I can make all my records pristine and protect them in true ‘wanky record collector’ form. :D

Happy Happy Joy Joy.

In my next installment I will be rabbiting on about Elvis Costello, cause he is cool and cause my awesomely talented friend Gerard Masters reminds me of him, somewhat. Unsurprisingly, Gerard was very pleased with that comparison! And I'm going to very unabashedly plug him and tell you all to check him out cause if I have anything to do with it, you'll all be hearing him on the radio this year!

Until then, see you round like a fruit loop,

Raspberry Beret Xx